I just took the dog for a nice walk in the snow. I really love walking at night in the snow, especially now, it reminds me of the first night I was in labor with Nevan. It was such a beautiful calm and quiet night, with big snowflakes falling. I made Chris walk forever around the neighborhood, hoping it would make the contractions stronger!
Soon after Nevan died, I started to dread the holidays, even though they were almost a year away. I told Chris we were going away for sure this Christmas. Unfortunately, it's not really in the budget this year for us to pick up and leave and go somewhere far away, preferably where they don't celebrate Christmas! I have told our families we're not doing Christmas this year. We'll visit them sometime in December, but from the 24th-26th, I'm avoiding everything. I figure I've already faked happy through Easter, Thanksgiving, and numerous birthdays, so I'm not doing it during the holidays. It's a huge weight off my chest, and I'm actually looking forward to just staying home, hanging with the husb and Angus (the dog) and maybe doing something anti-celebratory, like going to a movie or something. We'll be thinking of our girl too, and as always, wishing things had turned out differently.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I'm right there with you. I think holidays would be tough for any parent that lost a child but our son was born on New Year's Day. I just CANNOT handle joy and cheer this year. We are going to stay in a rustic cabin in the mountains, far from any well meaning family or friends. I'm sorry you don't have the budget for something like that. I wish we could take you along :(
ReplyDeleteHere's to good wine and no Christmas music - I hope you find some peace in the next month.
That is what I wish I were doing, instead I think I've somehow agreed to the usual shenanigans. I hope you find the peace you deserve!
ReplyDeleteGlad you've found a way that is best for you and your husband to get through the Holiday season this year. Thinking of you & sending love ((hugs))
ReplyDeleteJust checking in on you. And happy 10 months to your little Nevan. I hope you, Chris, and little baby Cole are doing well. My heart is so full knowing you are growing another babe...I feel like our stories are so similar so I almost feel a little bit like its happening to me in some weird way. Hopefully it will be soon.
ReplyDeleteSending you birthday love,
Lindsey