Sweet Nevan,
You were born 9 months ago today. You died in my arms 9 months ago tomorrow. We've now been grieving you longer than I carried you in my body. At times I still can't believe this happened to us. I've known 2 babies born in the past year - both very premature, one born with his stomach outside his body - both are alive and thriving now. You were my healthy full term baby, but didn't make it due to some random accident in labour. I just don't understand it all.
I went back to work at the ballet today. I haven't been there since I left for maternity leave with you. I was lucky enough to get contracts with other companies in the city until now, so I'm back there. It's a very wierd deja-vu working there again, I'll be there roughly the same length of time I was with you until I go on maternity leave again. And I'll be going through another pregnancy with the same people I did last time. I'm hoping and praying the outcome is different this time.
I still miss you and ache for you every day my sweet girl. I so wish you were here with us right now. I love you.
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Thinking of you and Nevan on her 9 month birthday.
ReplyDeleteIt's very brave of you to go back to the ballet and have to "re-live" so much of Nevan's pregnancy. Love to you and Nevan today.
ReplyDeleteI wonder about the randomness of losing a totally healthy baby as well. It is not fair or right. Keeping you and Nevan in my thoughts today!
ReplyDeleteThinking of you in the weeks ahead, and sending love.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you at this 9 month anniversary. I know I felt the poignancy of realizing the 9 month anniversary was the same amount of time Acacia was alive. And moving forward, she would be dead longer than she was alive. Somehow that felt significant to me.
ReplyDeleteMuch love to you.
Love to you honey, nothing about it is fair or right. Grieving her with you, and so glad another little is going to make its way into your life.
ReplyDeleteXO
Mindy
Bless both of your hearts. Your new little babe is so lucky to have a momma who loves like you do.
ReplyDeleteLots of love,
Lindsey
I gave you some blog love over on my blog: http://owlandleaf.blogspot.com/. I really appreciate what you do.
ReplyDelete