I'll be glad to see 2010 go. Bring on 2011, especially April, and please please please let it be better than 2010.
It started out ok, with lots of hope, expectation and excitement with the approaching birth of our first child. And even when she was born, we had the tears of joy moment, and "it's a girl" happy surprise. About an hour later in the recovery room, we found out the news that everything would not be ok, and our world was about to be shattered. Since then it's been 10 long months of grief, shock, guilt, blame, sadness, jealousy, bitterness, longing, loneliness, mixed in with a bit of happiness, gratefulness, and hope. I never thought I could cry so many tears, miss someone I never really knew so much, and just feel so full of despair. After the initial shock wore off, I never would have thought I had the strength to live through the loss of Nevan, but here I am, quickly approaching the one year mark, and still standing.
If I can think about the good things to come out of 2010, C and I got married. The death of our daughter has brought us closer together, which I'm thankful for, and I'm extremely grateful to be with an amazing man like him. Also, I'm extremely grateful that I got pregnant with Nevan's little brother. It's been quite a ride so far, full of both anxiety and hope, and I'm praying he stays safe and well, and gets here in April.
So goodbye 2010! I will move forward, carrying Nevan with me in my heart, hopefully towards a brighter and better 2011.