This week was much better for me emotionally. Maybe I just had to adjust back to life in the 'real world'. I admit that before I went back, I was living in a bit of a bubble. I was home most days, just doing what I felt like doing, walking the dog, reading blogs, sewing, laundry etc. I think it's good for me to be out of the house, around people and in a routine (that's what I've been told by other people anyways).
I didn't end up telling any of the women there about Nevan. I thought if it somehow came up in conversation I would, but nothing ever came up. And really, how do you casually mention you have a dead daughter? Awkward. Anyways, I was only working there for 2 weeks, on Monday I go back to a company I worked for before I got pregnant. So I think most people there know about Nevan. I keep in regular touch with my boss from there, and after it all happened, I asked her to spread the word around work so I wouldn't have to have awkward conversations if I saw old coworkers on the street. I'm wondering to myself if it's better if people know or not know?? I want people to know about my daughter, and not get all weird if she comes up in conversation. But I have to say in the the last 2 weeks, no one gave me pity looks. No one walked on eggshells. I don't think anyone noticed the first week when I was a bit sad and withdrawn. It was alright. I did feel like I was hiding a big secret. If I was staying on there I would have told them somehow. I'll be able to tell next week which is better: people knowing and the pity looks and eggshells, or people not knowing and being treated normally, but feeling like I'm hiding something HUGE.
Glad to hear this past week has been a good one for you. I too felt it was better for me to go back to work, get into a routine and be able to think about other things throughout the day. I'm not sure which is better either, I have some people in the hospital I work at who know and some who don't know...sometimes I wish some of them knew so they would be more sensitive to difficult topics in front of me. Hope this next week goes well for you too!
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear you're making it at work. This is such a big transition. At least it was for me. And it's interesting for me to read about your experiences - about working with people who didn't know about your daughter's birth and death, and thinking about your next contract w/ people who do know. I'll be curious to hear about your different experiences. As I transition out of my job, I wonder what it will be like when I find a new one - most likely w/ people who nothing about Acacia. One of my staff commented it must be nice to "start over" and be w/ people who don't know. I hestitated, said yes, mabye. And it might be harder. Who knows? It's all hard some days!
ReplyDeleteLots of love to you!