We finally got Nevan's autopsy report after an extra week delay. And just like we were warned they didn't tell us anything. She died of 'hypoxic ischemic encephalopathy' (lack of oxygen to the brain) and she had also inhaled meconium in the womb. I was just feeling numb about it all yesterday, but it really has made all the guilt come rushing back again today. The OB was amazing, said we can't carry all this guilt around, and there were really no signs. But still....
All in all, I'm glad the day is over. This was the last appt. dealing with Nevan's death. Maybe we can move forward now?
Sending hugs. I wish there were better answers.
ReplyDeleteNot having an answer is rough, I'm sorry. I hope you can move forward and that the road ahead is not too bumpy. Take care of yourself and try to keep from feeling guilty (I know, easier said than done).
ReplyDeleteRachel,
ReplyDeleteHere from Glow - I'm so sorry you not only lost your little Nevan, but that Dr planted that comment in your mind before you lost her. The guilt is one thing I try to stay away from - it's not as if we worked and loved so hard just to put our children's lives at risk out of vanity. We were all trying to be the best parents possible and to do the 'right' things for our babies.
I'm glad you're through this stage and that hopefully it provides some healing. I know that we'll get Foster's autopsy report sometime in the next few months or years, but that it's unlikely there will be a reason for his death.
We can't change the past, we can only change how we move into the future.
I'm so very sorry for your loss & sorry to hear the autopsy didn't tell you anything. Sometimes that makes everything even more frustrating and brings a lot of the Whys out even more! Thanks for the comment on my blog. Sending lots of loving thoughts & hugs your way. XO
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my son on January 28, and so far I haven't found that anybody's words of wisdom offer me much comfort, so I won't try any with you. I am just so sorry your daughter is not with you.
ReplyDeleteHi Rachel, I`m walking in your shoes right now :-(, we lost our little girl Kyla just 4 weeks ago,& we are waiting on the report & believe it was the same thing that took our baby girl, I haven't been on here ever & I was just skimming through & saw the title of your blog,(Kyla`s my twinkling star) which made me stop & read. I wanted to go through your blog from the start, I was so happy to read your last post that you have a beautiful baby now :-), it shows that there is light at the end of the dark tunnel & there can be happy endings, I wish you all the luck & joy in the world & want to say thanks for making your blogs please know it helps people :-)
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