To my sweet girl:

Happy first birthday. It's been a whole year since our lives were changed forever. I've had an emotional week, but today was not so bad. Daddy and I took some balloons (and Angus) down to the beach. It was a beautiful sunny day with not a cloud in the sky, and not that cold either! Daddy said some beautiful words, then we released the balloons and watched them as they rose higher and higher into the sky. Because there were no clouds, I think we could see them for a good 10 mins or so, until they were a tiny pin drop in the sky. It was a really nice little ceremony, just our family.

On the weekend we went to Nana's. She surprised me with a beautiful memory book she made for you. It's absolutely amazing and full of happy and sad memories. There are pics from my pregnancy with you, my baby shower, and then the hospital pics of you and the ones of you, daddy and me as a family. It really means a lot to me to have a book for you. She also surprised me by showing me her new tattoo! She told me a while ago that she was thinking of getting one, but I was still shocked! It's delicate and beautiful, your name with a tiny broken heart.

We've received some nice messages today from your auntie's L, K and T, and got some nice flowers from auntie C. It's nice to hear that people are thinking of you today.

I hope you know I think of you everyday, and will miss and love you forever.

Love mommy

Life has been crazy lately. With the move and everything, settling in etc. My commute to work's now over 3 hours a day, which is exhausting. I feel I don't have the time to do anything when I get home, except eat and go to bed. The plus of this is that I haven't been stressing over this baby/pregnancy much lately, too exhausting! I must say, that's nice for a change. The other side of this is that because I'm overtired, I've been super emotional all week about Nevan's upcoming anniversary this week. Actually, I'm probably just super emotional because she should be one this week instead of dead. I've decided I just want to be with Chris on her birthday. I think we'll release some balloons at the beach we went to a lot after she died, where I saw the beautiful monarch butterfly (in February in Canada in snow!). I have a few days off work as well, and plan to just rest, be gentle on myself, and catch up on blogs. 5 weeks left of work, but 2 of those are short, so really only 3. It's not like I'm counting or anything:)